This September, God has been pouring out grace upon grace for inner healing. I’m tremendously grateful, even though it’s been a grind. One of my favorite parts of September has been spending Fridays with my sister, going thrift shopping, adventuring outdoors, watching movies, and getting dinner. Even though I’ve had to be really careful with my budget lately, spending time with her has been well worth it.
Watchman Intercession for Young Prophets
This month, I’ve spent the majority of my time in Intercession for God to establish young prophets on the Earth. While I’ve written watchman prophesy on this topic before, in the more glamorous moments, intercession gave me the capacity to write about teaching the gift of prophesy within schools and churches and instructions for apostolic centers to establish training on the office of the Prophet among youth.
In the less glamorous moments, intercession has looked like allowing God to pull me into the depth of his emotions. On a practical level, this has meant:
- Confessing my own personal sorrow over hope deferred , receiving healing from honesty, and being equipped by God to steward the depth of his lament. Meeting God in travail for the many children the Church has lost by poor stewardship and robbery (ie, tears) and riding the waves as they come and go.
- Confessing my own personal anger over communication problems, releasing forgiveness and growing more humility so that I can be trusted to carry the depth of God’s purified anger.
- Lots of early morning/middle of the night wake ups where I’m woken up with holy discontent that turns into a prophetic word, a song, or part of an assignment to pray. To be fair, God has allowed me to wake up fully rested at 4am plenty of times, and is equipping me to ride the wave well.
- Lots of intercessory assignments for people and organizations in my dreams.
- Embodied physical symptoms that are related to the church’s stewardship of youth (ie, reproductive system). Commanding my body into wellness as a sign of what God is doing in the Church.
This intercession assignment started in August when Jesus brought me to Psalm 36 as an invitation to meet him in the depth of his emotions. To know God in his full range of justice, we must let him take us to the depths.
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,Psalm 36:5-9
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
With my friends, I’ve needed to be much more honest about the real cost of being in intercession in this season and in the past. I’ve had to explicitly tell people what I need (solidarity in the grief, prayer. And I’ve needed to simply stop giving, flattering responses when people dismiss the intensity of my experience and God’s intensity over this. In choosing to not roll myself off the altar of intercession too soon, I’ve seen God start to gather others who have the same heart to see this movement established. In the Spirit realm, I am digging in my heels and absolutely wont stop until I see young prophets established in their offices in the flesh.
I’ve inspired by Hannah and Tamar’s unrelenting pursuit of breakthrough.
12 As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
17 Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
18 She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.1 Samuel 1:12-18
25 As she was being brought out, she sent a message to her father-in-law. “I am pregnant by the man who owns these,” she said. And she added, “See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are.”
26 Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not sleep with her again.Genesis 38:25-26, Methods are extreme but relatable (meant to be a story about an audacious woman. Seems to have resulted in favor though, because she was a foremother of Christ.)
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’
4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”Luke 18:1-8
In order to steward the intensity, I’ve needed to start learning new patterns of balance to not take on heaviness or rawness, but see the big picture. Normally when I’ve experienced intercession like this, it has been short term (1-2 day) assignments for specific people or organizations. This episode has been closer to 6 weeks, and is directly related to my calling and identity. Beyond just calling, I talk about how my experiences have contributed to this intercessory burden in the article I just wrote on the office of a Prophet and Apostolic centers, in the section called “Responsibility of Prophetic Youth Leaders.” Personally, my calling towards this issue started with receiving a motherhood mantle at about 12-13 years old (much earlier than I really knew what to do with it). To this day, children’s wellbeing is the only thing that can drive me to tears in under thirty seconds. It is the only issue that will cause me to dig in my heels in protest and where I am most likely to turn into a terrifying mama bear. In an apostolic sense and in terms of risk, children’s wellbeing is the only thing I’d be willing to give my life for.
While I don’t need this movement to be established immediately, it is so very personal that I am committed regardless of how long it takes. I will see the movement not just breakthrough into the earth, but will spend my life raising it into maturity, so help me God.
Within a social group of about 20 prophet friends I’ve gathered, leaning into this intercessory calling has helped my friends have language for what they are experiencing. At least 3-4 other prophet friends have been open and honest about the travail they are facing for their nations and spheres of influence.
We’ve been honest about things like:
- Times you prophesy something more extreme than you expected, the shock and even horror of that.
- Times you are in deep travail and have to ride the wave of mourning.
- Times you are in holy anger and absolutely cannot relent of addressing something that roils God.
- Times you are extravagant in worship and extreme, and you can’t hold it in. Or where you indignantly feel that Jesus requires/is worthy of such a more dramatic response, but no one is brave enough to extravagantly worship him.
- Times where you are more free than everyone else in the room, flitting around like a bird, and they have no grid for you. Times when your freedom is offensive.
As others have expressed similar grief for the state of youth, the prophetic, and rising degrees of witchcraft on the earth, we’ve set a date this week to prophesy and intercede together.
Apart from shared grief or righteous indignation, “Hang in there, God hears it” has been the most helpful response from friends so far. Even so, I’m looking forward to and declaring the day when this ministry repopulates the desolate places of the earth.
1“Shout for joy, O barren woman,
who bears no children;
break forth in song and cry aloud,
you who have never travailed;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”a
2“Enlarge the site of your tent,
stretch out the curtains of your dwellings,
do not hold back.
Lengthen your ropes
and drive your stakes in deep.b
3For you will spread out to the right and left;
your descendants will dispossess the nations
and inhabit the desolate cities.Isaiah 54:1-3
Remembering How His Grace Has Been Sufficient, Perfect Pacing
Once again, I cannot help but to be grateful for God’s pacing this month. In the slow time, Jesus is showing me just how robustly he wants to set me up for the future.
Even as I wait and aspire towards patience for the next door to open (lol), I cant help but think about God’s strategic timing. He wooed me so strategically in the Spring, getting me on my own so that he could show me that what I want actually matters. The trust we built there was the foundation of all the inner healing, adjustment, travail I’ve done since then. The work isn’t done, but he has been beyond faithful in every season.
“Therefore I am now going to allure her;Hosea 2:14-15
I will lead her into the wilderness
and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor[a] a door of hope.
There she will respond[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.Job 36:16
He brought me out into the open;
He rescued me because He delighted in me.
20The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness;
He has repaid me according to the cleanness of my hands.
21For I have kept the ways of the LORD
and have not wickedly departed from my God.Psalm 18:19-21
One of the songs that has been most frequently rattling around my Spirit this month is “Thank you for the No” by Rebekah Dawn (out of Kenya). In typical African parenting fashion, the theme is mostly about God’s kindness in tells us “no” or “wait” firmly. While Western culture doesn’t generally like having limits, God loves us enough to reel us in and do things in the right progression.
God is right in his timings, he is right in his placements, he causes us to be fruitful regardless of the season and circumstances. At this point, I’m believing that even if I hang out in the Pacific Northwest longer than I want to, God knows exactly what he’s dong and it will be the best for me.
While patience is not my natural strength, when I let God frame the waiting process through the lens of forbearance, it changes everything. While patience feels depersonalized, forbearance is patience as it applies to people’s growth and development. From what I can tell, “Not giving up on people” has been my natural bent since even before exiting the womb. When the waiting process starts to involve people I care about, I can wait.
This month, I finally had more courageous to start experimenting with the beginnings of prophetic worship on my guitar!
Back in February, I packed up my guitar in February in preparation for travel. A friend kept it safe for me for several months, and I picked it up again when I passed through DC in July. I waited until I was done with final papers for seminary summer courses, then started trying to pray in the confidence to be a novice at something entirely new.
Ultimately, I found freedom to come out of a performance mindset when I gave myself permission to “play” guitar. For me, that meant just experiment with the instrument, the fretboard, informally exploring. From that exploration mindset, I was able to remember what it feels like to improvise from my high school days playing jazz bari sax (a much more enjoyable experience than the high pressure of performance clarinet, lol). Ultimately, I’ve started to remember what muscle memory feels like, when you just let your fingers play the instrument and take your eyes off your hands to enjoy the process. What a metaphor, eh?
I am beyond thrilled to get to pick up a new instrument. It feels like that kind of season. While I sang in choirs, gospel choir, and on church worship teams for years, I want more. For a season, I had to give singing in a church choir because the small house church I attended (20-30 people) didn’t have one. In that space where I could hear everyone’s voices, God sneakily taught me to identify what he was trying to do in the space and just release the harmonies and singing in the spirit that needed to come forth. It was a charismatic church that didn’t really believe in deliverance, so normally my contribution to worship was mostly singing over people in that room (haha).
I originally bought my acoustic guitar as a way to have more to talk about with my earthly/biological Father, since he plays. At the time, I was hoping that in worship, it would be a way of communing with my Heavenly Father too. Hallelujah Jesus, that is what is starting to happen.
From having fun, these are some questions that have emerged:
- Prophetic Worship over Individuals, Forthtelling
- What notes symbolize my friends in the seasons that they are in? What do I need to declaratively sing over them, about what God is doing their lives now and in the future?
- What needs unseated and how can I sing in the Spirit to establish the new thing?
- Apostolic Worship, Forthtelling
- Could a prophesy for calendar year/season of a nation intentionally be a worship album?
- What sound needs released over this region to put it alignment to the sound of Heaven?
- It is already true that certain songs that form the culture of worship internationally/nationally for a season. What if we were more intentional to go after the sound in advance and steward the airwaves? What could equipping prophetic worshippers to steward their nations’ airwaves look like?
- What could this look like if done on a regional level, and not just focused on the needs of the house?
- The Composition of Sung Prophesies over nations
- How can the cadence of notes, rhythms, and other composition elements mirror 1) God’s emotions 2) memorable details forth-telling the chronological nature of events in a nation? How can prophetic worship over nations become more specific, as embodied through music?
- How can prophet musicians build on one another’s sung, specific national prophetic words in a team setting?
- Mass Healing/Deliverance Worship and Song Composition
- What would happen if we intentionally wrote songs as deliverance, to target particular strongholds? Beyond just the lyrics, how can the entire worship experience [from beginning to end, the physical composition of the space, participation of the people, etc] create a deliverance atmosphere?
- What could it look like to use prophetic worship to not just for sung prophesy, but as a tool in a sung personal deliverance session? Full disclosure, this came out of a time where I saw a demon in a room and the Lord told me, “Sing at it!” Wild. And do you know what? It worked (ie, the thing left).
Focusing on the Intangibles
To keep my sanity this month, the Lord had me focus on intangibles instead of concrete details as he helps me cast vision for the type of community I want and want to establish. When it comes to the future, I’ve been coming alive more by being led by qualitative measurement (among of life giving power) of prophetic words rather than just factual details. My discomfort feels linked in irritation to a pre-COVID over-focus in the prophetic movement towards facts/figures rather than the deeper significance of events and God’s heart towards them. Instead of specific details, I’m focusing again on the quality of life that is in Christ.
- Grace. Security. Generosity. Awe. Teachability. When I think of my five closest friends, these are the five traits that they all undeniably share. I’m in awe of the way God weaves groups of people together.
- Importance of Wonder and Worship This poll that describes adults who regularly feel a sense of Wonder by Religious affiliation, age, etc. Not the trends you would expect!
- This article on “The Terrible Price of an Unlived Life”
- Ministry Reset Resetting ministry again to be more like “an excuse to spend time with God and the people we love”
- Boundaries A digital copy of Sarah Crawford’s responsibility splitting Fair Play Cards
- Leadership in the Church, Leadership in Marriage
Quote by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, p96
Hearing God in More Playful Ways
Off the back of greater playfulness with guitar, I’m just moving through my life and inviting God to use some of my favorite means to talk to me. This month, that has meant reclaiming pets, kids’ books, sci-fi, and silly videos as a legitimate means of hearing the Lord. When I’m having a good time, the Lord inevitably wants to join me.
My dog Teddy [Bear] is also in the middle of a transition in his life. He’s been in Seattle about a year, but is still adjusting to taking greater risk in navigating our house. For the first 10 years of Teddy’s life, he was with our dog Eloise, a black and white Pomeranian. Ella was demanding, playful, and had a great sense of humor. She also would come find Teddy when he’d accidentally get trapped in the garage, barking until someone came to help him. Yet, Teddy was never helpless. In former times, he could rely on his cuteness for things like treats and extra attention, playing the victim sometimes to get what he wanted. Even though she pretty much set the tone for the their dynamic, she helped him navigate the early stages of blindness and glaucoma by nudging him in the directions he would need to go and embodying a kind of walking trellis when he was lost.
But Ella isn’t here any more. And as Teddy has gone fully blind, he has needed to learn how to use his voice. Left to his own devices, he spends a bit too much of his time disengaged on the couch. He forgets that he was created to be a dog, and neglects to spend time outdoors. He also lurks in the kitchen at all hours, looking to scavenge food when he feels lonely. At long last, he has learned to bark to ask for help! But he still needs help feeling fully confident and free to take risks.
In spite of being blind, I’m forcing Teddy to step up (literally). When Teddy is done going to the bathroom, he waits religiously, patiently perched with his front paws on the first stair step. Yet even when he barks for us to open the door, even we open the door and call to him, he is still scared to step forward and come through the open door.
This is not because Teddy doesn’t know how to walk up the stairs. He learned how to do that (in spite of his blindness) a long time ago. This is not because Teddy doesn’t recognize that we are there to help. Or because he doesn’t want the reward treat waiting for him on the other side of the doorway.
Sometimes Teddy wants to be carried like a baby, scooped up and held tightly against my shoulder. He would rather me walk down the steps, scoop him up, and do all the work for him. Don’t get me wrong, I love it that he still lets me hold him, and if I see him legitimately struggling, I’m poised to rescue. But I really want Teddy to know what it is like to walk forward unafraid, even when he can’t see where he’s going.
And so I go to him. I hold open the door, and I call. But when he lingers for minutes on end, too afraid to step forward, do you know what I do? I close the door. I come back 30 minutes to an hour later, when he finally barks for me to come. And do you know what happens then? Finally, Teddy is ready to walk through the door. He has decided that staying in the same place is miserable. And predictably, he receives the reward on the other side.
I’ll be real with you, sometimes I leave him out there a little longer (when I am sitting in the sun beside him) because being outdoors (in the wilderness) reminds him that he is still a dog. He wasn’t created to sit still and gradually decay on the couch all day. He needs to be outside because it’s good for him, even though he’d rather pass into the house earlier. Because I want to preserve his life, I would rather train him to receive what he really needs than to make it too easy.
Wandering around the Goodwill with my sister, I was flowing with Jesus when I encountered this book, and it made me smile. The book is in Spanish. Essentially, it’s all about a boy who plants carrots that no one believes will grow. He takes criticism from his family, community, and others, but just keeps patiently watering them. Eventually, what grows under the surface shocks everyone’s expectations. It’s just heartwarming, and reminds me of the war over hope. As a teacher, I remember a similar book that we would read to the class to give confidence and solidarity to kids who were frustrated that they were still struggling to read. God knows the process we all need.
This book is equally wonderful, silly nonsense. It’s written as a welcome guide to a new baby, upon their entry into the world. The art is all based on the kind of illustrations you’d see on aircrafts “in case of turbulence” videos/pamphlets. In particular, these pages stuck out to me because I know how many people are struggling with the churning, wildness of the season many of us are on with God. It was subtle, pretty wisdom.
To my utter glee, my sister suggested we do a book club together reading “The Book of Strange New Things” by Michel Faber.
I love sci-fi. Directly before historical fiction and Latin American magic realism, it is my favorite genre. In it’s expansiveness, Sci-fi invariably reminds me of the unlimited creativity of God. I love how it allows potentially critical, analytical people a chance to re-imagine their worlds by thinking about why things are the way they are, yearning after better.
The main premise of this book is that a man is sent as a lone missionary to a foreign planet, because of their intense hunger to hear the gospel. The book is ultimately about estrangement and romance in ministry relationships, as he has to leave his wife behind. Watching them struggle to connect and stay connected feels like a modern parable.
The book has allowed me to respond to my sisters’ subtle questions about God. It’s also helped me think about loss and the meaning behind serving Jesus when the price feels tremendously high.
Animal Best Friend Videos
God sure knows our hearts. Earlier this month, I had a Watchman dream and prophetic word that uses imagery from one of my guilty pleasures: videos of cross-species animal best friends.
I love these sentimental videos. While I sometimes watch kitten videos for the cuteness and rescue animal videos for the resilience/underdog story/animal welfare piece, the “animal best friends” videos reassure me that peace is really possible. And that Jesus’ commitment to diversity and solidarity is what heals the world.
For our families, for our nations, for our relationships, we need one another. We need people who think very differently than us. Commitment that is multigenerational, across dramatic differences, and in spite of difficult seasons is like Heaven.
The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the yearling together, and a little child shall lead them. 7The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 8The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder’s den. 9They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.Isaiah 11:6-9
Logistical Updates about Being in Seattle
- I’ve started helping my friend Helen as she gathers prophets for Washington State
- Within the last week, my friend Helen hosted a first meeting to gather prophets for Washington State over Zoom. As I’ve spent time with her over the past few months, it’s been really powerful to watch her lead and get a sense of what that is like from behind the scenes (armor-bearing). She has 7 years in the prophet compared to my 3, and is excellent at giving just right challenges or assignments.
- Last week, Rebecca King came through to visit us, and it was cool to have her anoint us for the capacity to gather emotionally healthy community locally.
- Even though I’m supporting her ministry, she heartily believes in my vision for youth and honors the remit God has given me in that sphere. As long as I’m here, she will find ways to help me put my skills to good use. Already when we were in a gathering of prophets and one parent brought their Seer child, I got so much effortless revelation about prophetic youth ministry. Regardless of God’s timings, I finally feel like I have a place in the region.
- I have a friend who is functioning as an armor bearer for a prophet in another nation, and it feels cool to start being able to compare notes and share the intercessory burden for the two ministries.
- I joined a biweekly local Women’s bible study on the book of Job While I’m still trying to get to know the people in the group, I love the opportunity for discussion. It’s also been a good place for me to learn conversational balance.
- I found a new church! Once I finally had enough energy to admit that I needed something more local, God helped me nearly immediately find a new church. It’s just a ~30 minute public transportation commute, has a range of ages and ministries, believes in the power of God, and is nearly finished with the process of buying a local building. I’m excited to see what the church will turn into. When I attended, it was so packed that it felt like Jesus’ life was spilling onto to the street!
- I figured out how to structure my time better so it honors the order of my callings
- Instead of focusing on Teaching, this month I focused on Apostolic and then Prophetic writing. This pivot has given me more joy and a deeper sense of purpose. This was the internal adjustment that has led to dramatic changes in content on this site.
- I’m really excited to write about blueprints for youth ministry, even if I cant immediately see the fruit of them yet. Last March, an established prophet gave me a word about apostolic ministry with youth that was wilder than anything I had a grid for. She talked about decades, regions, relationships, and remit. It shook me to my core. I remember thinking, “I thought that I dream big, but that was WiLd”. Her word held me for the better part of this year.
- After giving my all to God every day since then to see the vision stablished, I’m so grateful that just 6 months and 10 days later, I have a sense of how to actually start actioning that word (both with regions and youth ministry). I have a sense of the years of progression it will take to build rapport with people and ministries to see these things birthed. It’s amazing to have a timeline and vision for the future when before, I was so shaken. Just beautiful. Who can say what God will do next?
- I’ve been settling into regular collaboration with 3 other prophets for national prophetic words While I love to socialize with all my prophet friends, I picked several close friends who were both interested and emotionally qualified to develop national prophetic words. So far, I’ve gotten their support to add layers to words on Japan, Philippines, Brazil, and Scotland. Among the people available, I chose these 3 people specifically for their humility, forbearing hope, and practice of unconditional love. Beyond just being good friends, God can trust them with his heart for the nations. The nations are precious and deserve this level of care.
- Still haven’t found a job, but it’s been a good conversation piece with the Lord. Based on dreams, I don’t think one will come through until November/December at the earliest. Talking to God about, “What is it that I need in a workplace?” has been interesting after so many years in the classroom. I think ultimately I want room to be valued and be myself, and something connected to ministry.
- Grace to navigate the intensity of the prophetic intercession and come in and out of it, remaining fully human. Grace for healthy boundaries in general.
- Patience, wisdom, and alignment to God’s timings
- Freedom to keep exploring different callings, letting it be fun
- The capacity to keep going deeper in community, breadth and depth
- The right next job
- Grace over my Scotland Trip in November
Other Worship I’ve been Listening to this Month
Here are some other worship tracks I’ve needed to abide in this month, in chronological order from the beginning to end of September.