Miracles This Month
This month as I stayed with family, God taught me a fair amount about miracles. In 1st Corinthians 12:7-11, the gift of “miraculous powers” is named along with gifts of faith, healing, word of knowledge, wisdom, prophesy, discernment of spirits, tongues, and. the interpretation of tongues. Now like everyone who has been in church for a while, I’ve heard about the cumulative effects of “faith the size of a mustard seed” in Matthew 17:20. The thing I didn’t know is that God doesn’t often directly give the gift of miracles. Instead, he gifts little seeds of faith, wild circumstances in which they have to grow, and gives grace for our faith to displace our circumstances. This really came as a surprise to me, because on some level, I was still thinking that you had to be a special kind of person to see breakthroughs on a regular basis (lol). Apparently miracles are for all of us.
As I have stayed with family this month, I’ve seen the Lord send family members various breakthroughs, including:
- My sister’s beautiful, affordable new apartment (and her joy in further independence)
- Getting called out at an inner healing event, being able to ask for whatever I wanted prayer for as a sign that God sees me. God entirely healing my scoliosis related back pain
- My physical healing prompting ripple effects for my uncle’s back being healed, reconciliation with family leading to his rapid recovery from various conditions
- Godly resolution of a very delicate situation at a family member’s workplace
- Receiving student loan debt forgiveness (after I just barely missing the quota for Teacher Loan Forgiveness, leaving my work in obedience, and asking the Lord to forgive the debt before I pass into the next step long term placement in ministry.)
Now I’ve left a good amount of details out on purpose for privacy, but suffice it to say that in April, I wouldn’t have believed this stuff was possible if you had bribed me.
God has been revealing through dreams that as he heals my relationships with family, he is giving me more authority within the sector of Family. At the same time, I’m seeing some older family members experience a renaissance in their faith and spontaneously walk in mantles that God has given me for ministry. It’s been wild to watch God bring transformation for people and situations through them, and provides evidence that faith is that much more powerful when it comes on a household than an individual.
Grace will Have to be Sufficient
Surely I am not the only one in this season more terrified of success than failure. Especially for those of us trying to pioneer things things that haven’t been done before, in the moments of terror over the size of the vision, grace will have to be sufficient.
In moments like these, I’ve had to remind myself that the Lord who spoke the promises and prophetic words did so knowing that I would need lots of help. He himself will be that help, and he will provide others too. God will give me the grace to do what comes next, just like he’s given me the grace for everything else.
Brothers, consider the time of your calling: Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were powerful; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly and despised things of the world, and the things that are not, to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast in His presence.1 Corinthians 1:26-29
I don’t have to be particularly qualified, he will stretch and grow me until the insurmountable distance is one footstep. My God isn’t afraid of the mess; he’s done crazier things with more broken people under crazier circumstances. This is not too much for him. When I think of all the ridiculous things God has brought me out of, I remember that God was adequate for it. If I just show up and do my bit for today each today, it will accumulate before you know it.
In my less confident moments, I also sometimes feel like the size of my dreams has caught up with me and I’m quickly hurtling towards a life I didn’t choose. I have never wanted to live a public life. Yet I’m refusing to believe that my pioneering and my privacy have to be at war. Even if it means developing new ways of doing social media and storytelling that allow me to have a little of both, God will show us all a better way.
When people attack my character, let me not say “I am enough”. While it’s true that God isn’t expecting me to be perfect, the correct response is “God is enough.” God is enough to deal with me, with all of me. He’s not put off by my mess. I may still be a work in progress, but none of this is too big for God. My hope is in his power to restore, beautify, and bless me and the rest of creation. My weakness does not limit his power.
Rest and Hiddenness
This month as I re-wrote my Identity section, I couldn’t help but notice how God wove the theme of hidden treasure into my calling story.
In a season where my primary audience is family, where my primary mandate is rest, and God’s primary purpose is healing, I find myself hidden in the clefts of the rock.
When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.Exodus 33:22
My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.Song of Songs 2:14
I am grateful for the hiddenness. I needed it.
In quietness, I have been reflecting on God’s wisdom, in hiding things until the right time.
“Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.”John 2:10
No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.1 Corinthians 2:7
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.James 3:13
In this season of hiddenness, I am trusting that God will reveal me to the right ministry partners who will see me as a missing, valuable piece of their mission.
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.Matthew 13:45-46
Just as he sovereignly revealed ancient Roman artifacts to the Italian Renaissance authors over a millennia after they were buried, just as a prophesy is sealed up until the right time, God knows how to reveal us.
And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”Habakkuk 2: 2-3
Ultimately, the purpose of hiddenness is discretion. Discretion is that aspect of wisdom that preserves our lives and the lives of those we love.
Discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you,Proverbs 2:11
Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from avenging myself with my own hand!1 Samuel 25:33
My son, pay attention to my wisdom,Proverbs 5:1-2
turn your ear to my words of insight,
2 that you may maintain discretion
and your lips may preserve knowledge.
Instead of over-exerting myself, I am trusting that the right people will seek and find me.
Besides, there is something to be said for trusting God and leaving room for mystery.
The mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.Colossians 1:26-27
Great indeed, we confess, is the mystery of godliness: He was manifested in the flesh, vindicated by the Spirit, seen by angels, proclaimed among the nations, believed on in the world, taken up in glory.1 Timothy 3:16-17
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.Ephesians 5:28-32
I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality.1 Corinthians 15:50-53
Inner Garden and Coming Fully Alive
Among the mountains, the water, and the 70 degree weather, Seattle is a beautiful place to sabbatical. Being in the Evergreen State has kept me reflecting on how God sends winds to refresh us.
It is a sign forever between me and the people of Israel that in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed.Exodus 31:17
Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, Thus says the Lord God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”Ezekiel 37:9
And the king said to the man of God, “Come home with me, and refresh yourself, and I will give you a reward.”1 Kings 13:7
In my article on stages of faith, I told the story of how God placed me in various communities in my 6 years in DC. Though God’s purpose in drawing me to these diverse communities was to teach me relational range, depending on the space, I often sacrificed comfort and the freedom to be fully myself.
In this coming season, I believe that the Lord is bringing me out of settings where I have only conditional acceptance, towards a ministry context where I can come more fully alive. He wants me not just to be a diplomat, but a daughter. In the last six months, God has withheld me from settings where I would only find conditional acceptance (for example, an excess of academic contexts). As I’ve let God refine me and written about prophetic sensitivity in children, God has been talking to me about my own sensitivity. He is bringing together the aspects of my personality I had to downplay in former contexts so I can flourish. I believe that God will put me in a place where I am safe to be fully myself, and where my unique strengths will be a blessing.
In that time of pressing and accelerated learning, there were various times where I had to let go of things I wanted in order to prioritize what God was doing. In this season, God keeps asking me to explicitly name what I want. I get the sense he is gearing up to give me abundantly not just what I need, but what I want.
When I think about the freedom to be completely myself, I think of the audacity I had as a first grader. As I was traveling this Spring, God reminded me that I am still happiest when I’m around friends, flitting around a room, connecting people. I love making introductions and memorizing people like I’m collecting playing cards. I don’t think of it in the sense of North American networking; it’s more about the freedom to meet many kinds of people and arrange them flexibly into groups. It feels like musical or artistic composition. In my next ministry context, I want to be able to connect people.
In addition to opportunities to gather people, I’m want my next ministry context to have fearsome love for the vulnerable. Beyond just my personal needs, as someone who spent years working with children, with individuals with special needs, with refugees and immigrants, I cant possibly care less about safety. If I cannot discern that justice and protection for vulnerable people are part of an organization’s embodied values, I do not want to be there.
Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD do this to me and more so if even death separates me from you.”Ruth 1:17
Looking back on all that God did during my time of traveling, I cant help but remember how excited he was to launch this process. I think back to all the free desserts and it makes me smile to know that what I care about matters to God.
Joy from Obedience
Perhaps the best part of August has been the times where I’ve been able to look back and remember times where God showed me that he was proud of my obedience.
I’ll never forget the dream I had the day after submitting my notice in January. The Father came to me in the role of my book publisher, and said, “Well done for stepping into the story.”
Later when I reached out for support prior to travel, I had another dream where 10-12 people from the Great Cloud of Witnesses were cheering me on in an email chain. While the support ultimately came from different places than I expected, the fact that God sent the heroes of the past to bless the future really nourished me.
I remember how an angel told me that this season of nations training started early, as a reward for “not having added anything to the message.” I remember another dream where he gave me an E-16 visa, which in America is rewarded to immigrants who “possess extraordinary ability in the sciences, arts, education, business, or athletics,” and can involve multiple countries. I remember being at the brink of risk and being touched that he thought so well of me. I needed the encouragement.
In these and other dreams, God has called me Chosen, Favored, Trusted, Honored, Accepted, Brave, and Pursued. These are moments I never want to forget.
Please Pray For:
- The perfect will of God over my life
Media Theme: Steadfast Love of God
This month as I rested, I was drawn towards media that focused on the steadfast love of God.
Most Impactful Movie
“June Again” is Aussie film that explores themes of identity, restoration, family restoration, generations, and steadfast love. I love that the main character is an entrepreneur and that by the end of the film, her daughter is finding her wings as an entrepreneur also. This is the kind of movie where unexpected connections between characters and events emerge when you watch it for the second time.
Most Impactful Book
Through a friend’s recommendation, Alain Caron’s Apostolic Centers answered questions I still had about apostolic church governance, specifically as it relates to timelines and structure. The examples in this book have given me a clearer sense of direction for organizations the Lord will build through me later on. From greater clarity has come a greater sense of rest, celebration, and peace.