From late February to mid-May this year, I yielded to a sabbatical season. After finishing my doctoral thesis in December, I emerged from the winter holidays uncomfortably aware of my need for a deeper rest. By grace, I was able to take some time off for the sake of restoration and to respond to family. Despite being grateful, accepting a 3-month waiting period was challenging. As a classroom teacher, I had used summers for rest and personal projects, but always with a clear endpoint and a new school year coming. This time, I chose to rest despite not knowing my future when it came to jobs, housing, and geography. Despite feeling a call to rest, I struggled to resist immediately launching into job searching. Choosing to honor what I was discerning about my needs required a surprising amount of faith. I had no internal schema for resting so deeply, without much structure, and towards an unknown future. The decision to yield despite these unknowns felt costly and brave.

I ultimately sensed that if God was opening up a pathway for me to rest, I should take it and trust him to meet me in the unknown. As can be imagined, God taught me some truths through this sabbatical season that I would not have learned otherwise.

Embracing a Sabbatical Season

Early in my sabbatical, the Lord highlighted the need for physical rest, solitude, and silence. He used lots of imagery of cruising and being on a boat to help me relax into a more fluid approach to life and ministry. During this time, I continued to meet with close friends and preserved most of my rhythms of life. God reminded me who he was at various points over the last 3 years, sealing and confirming much of what he has done to get me to this threshold.

Towards the middle point of my sabbatical, God started to really highlight the theme of “community”. Rather than immediately launching into new groups or relationships, I believe he wanted to start a deeper process of calling me to reflect on my values and convictions for the future. During this time, I leaned back from serving except in spaces where I already had some relationships that I felt he wanted me to strengthen. During this time, I reflected with friends on how we define meaningful spiritual practices. It was a time of God reframing the past year, calling for simplification, and helping me acknowledge and release constructs that weren’t helpful. At some point in this middle, it became a preparation for where we are going rather than a reflection on where we’ve been.

The last part of my sabbatical mostly had to do with delighting in the Lord. At that point, it felt like God had replaced fear with peace in some hidden places in my soul. I noticed that my responses to frustrating or difficult events became easy-hearted. He continued to catalyze a shift in my perspective and caused me to have the energy to address some idols. I could establish stronger routines for exercise and well-being. Having more freedom from idolatry has allowed me to begin to be more engaged in what God is doing moment by moment, more flexible, and more able to respond. Deeply pursuing delight in Seattle has become a default setting and has changed my perception of the ordinary. Instead of being inundated, it feels like I’m holding the reigns and steering towards a future I actually want. Through delight, my faith in God’s goodness is very strong, strong enough to take on the unknown. While I would have previously pushed through a season of turbulence and despite feeling unable to face the next obstacle, now I see rest and delight as meaningful tools for responding to change. I have deeper routines for life and ministry and feel like I can invest in new relationships and communities. I feel stronger. I am proud of my consistency and feel I can trust myself to discern the way forward.

Seattle, WA

Reconnecting with Family and Friends

Towards the final month of my sabbatical, I spent 3 weeks reconnecting with friends and celebrating my Doctoral Commencement in Washington, D.C.. Each location and close friendship helped me catch a glimpse of what it means to be established by God in the season that is coming.

From my elders, I began to discern what life-long learning looks like in your 60s and 70s. As I wrap up this chapter with doctoral studies, I enjoyed seeing how friends and relatives held their eagerness to learn solidly, but with more open hands. In revisiting D.C., I recognized how much more I had relaxed since living there. Through traveling and returning to Seattle, I’ve developed more range in discerning the strengths and limitations of my elders and those younger than me. It feels like I’m approaching a time of tremendous freedom to design how I want to work, who I want to work with, how I want to show up and what I want to contribute to different spaces. That degree of freedom feels intimidating, but I am trusting that just like this sabbatical season, God’s presence will fill the space and allow me to enjoy moving forward. I am aware of how God has preserved and established so much of my direction for ministry through this degree. Though it feels like the fruit isn’t visible and not many have understood my decision yet, I believe that this investment will add depth and clarity to everything I do (career/vocation) in the future.

Jacksonville, FL

Nassau, Bahamas

Pennsylvania

Washington, D.C., and Doctoral Commencement

Worship

Here is a partial snapshot of how worship music and verses helped me receive from God throughout this sabbatical process.

February “I’m Listening”, Chris McClarney

Theme: Engaged Waiting

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

Isaiah 30:15

March “Firm Foundation (He Won’t)”, Chandler Moore

Theme: Jesus’ Breaking Open New Ground

The One who breaks open the way will go up before them;
    they will break through the gate and go out.
Their King will pass through before them,
    the Lord at their head.”

Micah 2:13

April “Simple Gifts” by Frank Ticheli, Austin Symphonic Band, Shaker hymn

Theme: Simplification

 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. ² Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. ³ They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. ⁴ For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, ⁵ because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

⁶ If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters,^[a] you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. ⁷ Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. ⁸ For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. ⁹ This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. ¹⁰ That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.

1 Timothy 4:1-10

May “Good to Me”, Audrey Assad

Theme: Spirituality of Delight

Media

Theatrical Adaption of C.S. Lewis’s The Great Divorce

Next Steps: A Season of Liminal Space

As I returned to Seattle, the Lord modeled what it means to meet him in the liminal space…the place between one thing ending and the next thing opening. I’ve returned to my non-career job and church communities, to my non-Christian friendships and daily rhythms. I’m pursuing a greater degree of consecration, receiving more revelation on the topic of “intergenerational community”, and enjoying ease in hearing God. My faith is high in God’s ways, timings, and plans for my next steps and I’m actively job searching for the next career job. But I am enjoying this in-between season. I am more interested in how God is forming me right now than in his future plans. Much like the last season, I don’t have much of a schema for what this waiting, liminal space season means. Yet I’m expecting that it will be a time of depth, joy, and encountering God.

By Fall, I hope to write a seasonal update about how God has met me in this liminal space so far. In the meantime, I will just continue to press in and let his presence lead me into the unknown.

Closing Season

This month, I waited on the Lord. At a time of tremendous coming change: in degree completion, geographical placement, changing employment, ministry transition, and more, I waited on the Lord. At this time of bringing seasons to a close, it is so tempting to rush and ask for clarity about what the next season looks like. I’ve never waited in 4-5+ areas of my life at once. Before Jesus encountered me this month in his joy, freedom, light yoke, and peace, I didn’t know it was possible. I know that it’s a time of preparation before new opportunities opening up in the new year. What does it look like to simply enjoy this Advent season, aware that blessings and change are inevitably rising?

In worship this month, I saw an image of a table that I had spread for Jesus with at least 5 different dishes. I invited him to eat at this table. Each of the dishes represented something that I had developed for him over the past 2-3 years. And watching him simply enjoy what had been made ready allowed me to stay present during this closing season. It made me grateful for all that he’s done, like offering a firstfruits. I feel rich in the depth of trust I have in him and the revelation of his heart for me. I’m so grateful that this foundation was strengthened at such a pivotal point in my timeline and time of current events.

Within such open space, I wait for a directional light to dawn. I’m aware that grief and joy will probably come together once clarity comes. Like a sojourner holding a lantern, I’m challenged to believe that Jesus is enough to steer me through such a large expanse.

Worship

Verses

This month, I noticed evidence of growing division in the world and Church as God continues to shake unhealthy foundations. In November, I noticed individuals resisting condemnation and choosing to engage from the Father’s heart in thought, word, and action. I also noticed that when people neglected to abide by the Father, they acted much more impulsively and became incendiary. There was generally a lack of fruit of the spirit or a recognition of the gospel in those interactions.

At this time, Christians are called to keep their eyes on Jesus, imitating his ways and resisting the flesh. I notice God continuing to insulate relationships where individuals mutually choose to resist fragmentation. He will give us the right lenses to see and serve one another rightly if we seek him. Taking time to reflect on times we still need to receive his grace will keep us from being caught in the storm. When we are willing to pause and seek him, he makes a way out of crisis and leads us towards life.

¹³ For you, my brothers, were called to freedom; only do not let your freedom become an opportunity for the ^[a]sinful nature (worldliness, selfishness), but through ^[b]love serve and seek the best for one another. ¹⁴ For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is fulfilled in one precept, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, you shall have an unselfish concern for others and do things for their benefit].” ¹⁵ But if you bite and devour one another [in bickering and strife], watch out that you [along with your entire fellowship] are not consumed by one another.

Galatians 5:13-15 AMP

Names of God

Each month, I give God a name that aligns with scripture and how he revealed himself to me that month. This month, I spent the majority of time knowing him as,

The Good Shepherd

I especially felt the invitation to watch how God is shepherding his people. November brought various situations to my attention where individuals needed to encounter him as the Good Shepherd but where Jesus clearly told me not to be directly involved. As God challenged me not to take on false responsibility, my ability to endure discomfort grew. Instead, I spent much time praying for different individuals to encounter this aspect of God’s character.

He chose David His servant

and took him from the sheepfolds;

71from tending the ewes He brought him

to be shepherd of His people Jacob,

of Israel His inheritance.

72So David shepherded them with integrity of heart

and guided them with skillful hands.

Psalm 78: 70-72

When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Matthew 9:36

For this is what the Lord GOD says: ‘Behold, I Myself will search for My flock and seek them out. 12As a shepherd looks for his scattered sheep when he is among the flock, so I will look for My flock.

I will rescue them from all the places to which they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13I will bring them out from the peoples, gather them from the countries, and bring them into their own land. I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines, and in all the settlements of the land. 14I will feed them in good pasture, and the lofty mountains of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in a good grazing land; they will feed in rich pasture on the mountains of Israel.

15I will tend My flock and make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. 16I will seek the lost, bring back the strays, bind up the broken, and strengthen the weak; but the sleek and strong I will destroy. I will shepherd them with justice.’

17This is what the Lord GOD says to you, My flock: ‘I will judge between one sheep and another, between the rams and the goats. 18Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of the pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink the clear waters? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? 19Why must My flock feed on what your feet have trampled, and drink what your feet have muddied?’

20Therefore this is what the Lord GOD says to them: ‘Behold, I Myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21Since you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak ones with your horns until you have scattered them abroad, 22I will save My flock, and they will no longer be prey. I will judge between one sheep and another. 23I will appoint over them one shepherd, My servant David, and he will feed them. He will feed them and be their shepherd. 24I, the LORD, will be their God, and My servant David will be a prince among them. I, the LORD, have spoken.

Ezekiel 34:11-24

10Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might,

and His arm establishes His rule.

His reward is with Him,

and His recompense accompanies Him.

11He tends His flock like a shepherd;

He gathers the lambs in His arms

and carries them close to His heart.

He gently leads the nursing ewes.

Isaiah 40:9-11

Music

Prayer Requests

• To stay present as things close rather than looking forward to new beginnings. To end things well and rest.