June was a wild month full of pressure, favor, and opportunities to reconvene with longstanding friends. As the pressure increased, God provided moments of decompression and joy in a landscape that has been rapidly changing. I made several big steps forward in ministry this month as my research proposal passed and I was able to get a sense of how God is using my church context to contribute to the direction of my research. I was also able to plot a course to finish my degree, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in joy and sober-minded judgment. This monthly summary comes a little late but determined, due to the pressure of this current season.
Separation of the Transformational and Transactional Church: A Church that is Ready for Co-Partnership with God
Across the board, June 2023 was been a month when God made his work of separation in the Church very tangible. God is separating the Transformational and Transactional Church. He has tested hearts, he has taken stock, and he is opening up new expressions of ministry.
In June, I spent a lot of time with God talking about embodiment. I would define embodiment as the process and degree that God calls us to live not just our own story, but his story in our lives. As individuals and in the lives of prophets, God gives us invitations to lay down our lives so that we can enter into his story. As he teaches us how to live in him and let him live in us, we experience an even closer union with Jesus and a more tangible expression of God’s flourishing on the earth. As embodiment grows, God turns it into partnership and increasingly works with us not just as impersonal vehicles of the Holy Spirit, but as collaborators and stakeholders.
My journey toward understanding embodiment started in December 2021, a few days before Christmas when God told me I had a month to quit my job in a dream. As I chose to leave, he revealed himself to me through a dream as my friendly book publisher, saying, “Well done for stepping into the story.” Around the same time, God began a series of dreams that ultimately related to a calling towards shepherding through inner healing ministry. Currently, God has me developing a series of teaching within a closed group setting aimed at helping prophets and other leaders receive that invitation towards embodiment by understanding their identity and taking proportionate next steps into ministry. As God continues to relationally connect individuals whose hearts are called to the same purpose, he is preparing the Church to not just receive but for leadership.
As God invites the Church to go deeper, we each can tell Jesus, “No. I don’t want to share in your sufferings. I don’t want to share your story.” The amount of pain Jesus experienced is something that if we choose embodiment, we each will partially experience. God is presenting us with a series of decisions. He is using extreme pressure in this season to transfigure who are individually and collectively, forcing us to make hard choices that we may not have chosen otherwise. He knows the heart and will equip us to steward different degrees of glory based on the processes that we allow now.
In choosing to live Jesus’ life and not just our own, God is calling the Church towards Engagement (as in, engagement-based learning). Jesus wants the Church as an equal partner! He affirms our agency, he lifts us up and opens doors, he supports our hearts, he wants to hear our voice and will use us to change the world.
When I was younger, I was more afraid to lay down my life. I was unsure if the risk was worth it, and I wasn’t sure if God would honor me if I honored him. I had heard stories of people feeling forgotten by God even after they had sacrificed everything. I was not sure of his goodness, and still needed deeper experiences of encounter so that I could trust the one I was serving.
As I’ve kept journeying with God, something miraculous has happened. I have experienced him as “God who Knows the Heart.” God has watched my life and taken note of every unvoiced prayer, every simple longing, and every deep-seated dream. As I faced extreme challenges and some loneliness, he provided me with all the right people I needed to heal, grow, and lead. He taught me how to meet him in his story through the bible, asking, “Where am I at in your story, today? What part of the bible is similar to the emotional texture of what I’m experiencing?” He gave me a stronger filter and specific instructions so that I could focus on only my piece of the puzzle as the Church experiences a massive transition. He has given me a clear sense of timings and confirmed them over and over again, streamlining my growth by allowing me to collaborate well with others so that various targets can be met in time. He has embedded rewards and treasures along the path to encourage me, making delight a constant theme. He has invited me to continue losing my life, teaching me that if I freely lay it down, he will make it worth my while.
This month, my heart was longing to step foot again in Kansas, where I was raised. I longed to see the land and to be in a place that corresponded to my history. As I flew from DC back to Seattle this month, I was surprised when God didn’t answer my prayers for better weather. I have been experiencing a high degree of favor for weather conditions lately, where God knows my heart and often sends the conditions I need because he loves me. Yet he allowed a storm to come and rerouted our plane to stop in Kansas. Though it was brief, I got to see and rest on my homeland.
Earlier this month, I had a deep craving for fresh rhubarb. It corresponded to many dreams I’ve gotten related to imagery of fresh fruit and creating new resources for the Church. As I rested in the Lord, I saw that he had caused a rhubarb plant to grow in our yard, and I was able to bring the strawberry rhubarb syrup to work as a treat and a testimony to share with coworkers.
This past week, a friend suggested that we go to the beach, to distract from the stress I’m under to find new housing. As we walked along that stretch of waterfront, the Lord reminded me of times when I felt rushed in the exploration, delighting process with family, and how great I had longed for unstructured time to enjoy being outside. And traipsing around in the sun, I did not have to leave until we both were ready to go organically.
What I have learned about God is that as we freely lay down our lives, he *always* makes it worth our while. When we choose his ways and his story, he adds disproportionate favor and even the grace for miracles, because it is the inheritance that belongs to Jesus.
God wants more for the Church than a lack of emotional engagement, transactional relationships, fear, or limited agency. He wants a Bride that is fully well, and he will sacrificially show up so that we as people can be ready to host greater glory. He understands how hard the path is because he’s walked it.
Have you received his invitation to enter into the story? Will you say yes?
The Path is Wide Open and Less Narrow!
This month at seminary, I went in on a mission. I had exactly one week on campus to find an advisor, get my research proposal passed, and return polished to Seattle. how I dressed, how I spoke, and the degree of the grind, I treated it like a business trip. On top of this, I needed to be aware of my own safety due to sexual harassment from another student last summer. I had a formal plan through the university in place, people aware and watching, various praying intercessors, and pepper spray.
After receiving feedback, my classmates and I had 48 hours to apply peer and professor feedback to create a polished draft. On Friday, we would meet 1:1 with professors and find out whether we had been cleared for research or whether it still needed further edits. Though I had been looking for an advisor since March, I also had yet to succeed in finding one due to others’ limited experience with my research area + charismatic Christians, skepticism, and fear of pioneering.
I also needed to have a deep chat with a former DC mentor and take some time to celebrate with a DC ministry friend. Based on my class schedule and the amount of work I needed to accomplish, this would be challenging to say the least.
I went into the experience eyes open. I asked for God to assign angels related to craftsmanship and creativity to help me as I focused on my work. I made sure to celebrate and mark the time with my classmates, as it may be the last time we all are together in person. That week, God caused external circumstances four different times that had the effect of shifting my calendar so that I could meet all my appointments.
He caused me to observe and vet various potential advisors before finding one who would have the grit, communication skills, innocence, experience as a parent, courage, and positive outlook to act as an advocate for this project.
He caused my research proposal to pass with the highest degree of approval possible, and without edits. He allowed me to fly out safely Friday afternoon and kept me holistically safe the entire time.
Beyond just simple things, he allowed me to identify with the Christian mystics in my History of Christian Spirituality course. He allowed me to learn from their lives and share openly about my current experiences in a boundaried way with my peers. I realized that this may be the first epoch in history where a young woman (29) like me can pursue the highest level of education through a doctoral degree, be respected as a leader, and be allowed to own her experiences as a mystic all at the same time. It made me cry to think about how this is an inheritance that I will be able to leave to my children and to the nations. It made me wonder how many women had waited for such things. When I think about all that God is preparing to do on the earth for the generations that are coming, I could cry.
June 2023 was a month full of evidence of answered prayer, in recompense that I get to receive right now. At this rate, I will see the answer to today’s prayers before I know it. All over again, I’m laying down my life so God can have his way with it.
As of today, I’m hoping to submit all the portions of my research by August 1st, 2024, to defend by September 2024 (Next year). God has made it clear that he will line up the next steps and send more instructions around that time.
Ministry Update
Since about October 2023, I have been gradually supporting a growing group of prophets called Youth and Young Prophets Network. The focus of this group is prophetic consulting for churches and schools that are interested in partnering with what the Holy Spirit wants to do in their context. We are currently meeting once to twice per month, prophesying with leaders in nations that God is highlighting through revelation. Later on, we will develop curricula and resources to support young people’s development in the prophetic. The topic of my doctoral research is to lay a foundation for that work by working with a focus group of teens in my local church. I also meet with others frequently on Zoom for mentorship in scribe prophecy, to build relationships, and collaborate with people who have the same heart for this movement of devotional spirituality God is raising up in 0-18 year-olds.
At times, ministry development has felt like full-time parenting. I have a sense of responsibility that never fully leaves, but I am learning to manage it. It definitely feels like my life is no longer fully my own, but it’s so rewarding. My ministry baby took some steps forward this month as our team added several new members (growing to 9), God showed me how to use my introspective nature to create curricula that will draw others into agency and a ministry partner offered to host us so that I can facilitate a spiritual retreat for my team in France next year. I’m currently in the process of collecting words from trusted friends about the present and future roles of our intercessors, board members, core team, and network. It’s not the time to file for nonprofit status or fundraise, but it’s so exciting!
There are a lot of loud voices. I am learning how to filter feedback I hear from others, which has included things like demonic dreams they’ve had about me getting hurt or the fear of pioneering (in favor of comfort or simplicity). I’m leaving a gap from distractions and holding the standard for the degree of health and wholeness this ministry must embody. I am learning how to remain in a place of leadership and agency regardless of chaotic circumstances. I am asking questions about people like, “Whose sincerity makes them the most trustworthy?” and “How can I provide opportunities for everyone to do their internal work with the Lord?”
God’s commitment to me is that he will streamline it and use cross-pollination with other ministries so that this ministry will emerge on the right timeline, having accomplished double or triple what would have seemed to be possible externally. I’m choosing the best quality process and working with the most sincere people to produce the best quality fruit. God has promised to make me a leader who is calm, dependent on him, confident during shaking, and full of life. He still wants this season of my life to be about quality of life and balance, community, developing resources, expanding skill sets, and developing maturity. I’m contending for compassion for people who are still struggling with discernment and unaware of the effects that their choices have on others.
Receiving the Right Nourishment: “Get that out of your Mouth!”
This month, a person from a ministry I have been developing asked me entirely seriously, “But not everyone in this group is a leader, right? I don’t think we’re all cut out to lead.”
After about 18 months of intense dreams about God rescuing the weak of the sheep and 30 months of dreams about God restoring the Church, I had to be very careful to respond not in proportion to my passion, but to her question. I simply affirmed that while everyone in that group was indeed different, God has called us all to lead in our own way. I wanted to shout, “Get that out of your mouth!” in response to the toxic beliefs about leadership layered on top of her simple words. As an emerging apostle who sometimes sees people’s callings that others aren’t able to detect, I had to remember to have compassion because she was sincere in asking. She really hadn’t seen them clearly! Still, the pride and lack of discernment embedded in the question made me aware of how God is calling the Church to stop consuming toxic beliefs about leadership that poison themselves and others.
The experience reminded me of what God has been doing to save my family. I’m retelling this story thinking of that friend and the Church as my sister. I also am aware that God has called me to leave toxic things on the table, and I can see myself in the role of “my sister” in terms of responsibility to steward “the body” God has given me (thus, the Church).
Since we were in the womb, my sister ate things that threatened our lives. We were born ahead of schedule not just because we are twins, but because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. This method that God intended to be used for nourishment was threatening to choke out her life. It was also threatening to destroy mine, as my connection to the source was weaker. I was born a very underweight baby, over a pound less than my sister because there was something inherently wrong about how we were being nourished. Lately, I’ve wondered how much my experience of being born prematurely increased my reactions when I feel that my timeline is being manipulated to suit the selfish desires of others.
When I came to Seattle last July, my mom, sister, and I went out to eat at a nice seafood restaurant. As we began our meal, she started to choke on a piece of steak that was too large to pass through her windpipe. I watched as my mom was paralyzed, as the waiters were afraid to lay hands on her overlarge body. As I performed the Heimlich maneuver and she began to breathe clearly, I noticed not just her subsequent need to cover up her embarrassment, but by the fact that everyone was unaware how to navigate danger in their midst. I was angry at the people who had judged my sister because of her weight and were unable or unwilling to help her.
In the last year, I have experienced God so tangibly as the one who wants us all to flourish. He is not offended by our physical, spiritual, or emotional condition. He saves us from every toxic thing we have consumed or copied. He calls us to drink from pure streams where there will be compassion instead of offense, gracious speech instead of slander, identification with others’ sins instead of accusation, blessing instead of bitterness, empowerment instead of self-abuse, curiosity and relational leadership instead of offense.
Church, we must get these things out of our mouths and drink from healthier sources so that we can live.
The Day of Dignity is Coming
There is a Day of Dignity coming for everyone who has been slandered, scorned, or mocked in their process. There are leaders rising who prioritize dignity as unconditional respect, who God is calling to dignify and lift up others. In THIS era, we will see social reformation that has the effect of prioritizing human worth.
Though this era is just starting, those of us who have been born early will pave a way for the younger generation who is coming after. We will have the infrastructure to receive them as God pours out his Spirit on all flesh. They will take the foundation we have built and renovate it, carrying it through the middle of the period, bridging the epoch and raising those who will come towards the end. We must build in a way that can leave them the best possible foundation. May our spiritual descendants thrive and stand robustly until the Day of Christ.
I may not have chosen when I was born, but I can choose to receive Jesus’ invitation to embodiment. Like Anna and Phineas, the people who have been most ready to receive this movement for Youth and Young Prophets have been waiting the longest. I am so grateful for the treasure of their lives, their life experience, and what they see in me. I believe that God is blessing us into proportionate provision for the assignments we have been willing to receive. There is nothing like experiencing God backing you to do the thing you were called to do.
Worship
Questions (Which Became Wackier at Seminary)
- Why does the story of Ruth usually focus on Boaz as a Redeemer? From beginning to end, Ruth was the one redeeming Naomi, redeeming the memory of her lost husband, redeeming her own ethnos by marrying into Israel, despite others’ condemnation. The book of Ruth is about the Church being the main character of her own story, in ways that redeem the story of nations.
- Is the story of Jacob stripping the branches to breed the strong sheep (Genesis 30) about not looking at external appearances (spotted or speckled imperfections), but setting purity as a standard? How does purity as a standard internally strengthen the sheep who would otherwise be rejected?
- Jesus is the pure branch that makes the weak strong
- How do you weave a hairshirt?
- How does a middle class in a society form, historically?
Names of God
- God who Steadily Reveals Himself to us as we go Exodus 33:14-18
- Jesus of the Cross
- God, The Hope, The Transfiguration
- God who Redeems and Restores
- God Who Invites Watchmen to Have Compassion and Identify with the People’s Sins
Verses
- Psalm 146
- Zephaniah 3, 3:17-20, 1:53
- Provision, Famine, and Abundance
- Noah in Genesis 8, as he waits for the dry land to appear (Reformation)
Secular Music
“Someone Like Me” – Joy Oladokun
Ran into this gem by Joy Oladokun from her new “Proof of Life” album. I actually heard it on the secular radio station at my work, just as I was having a conversation about spirituality with a coworker who is spiritually sensitive but has mostly explored pagan mysticism in the past. This song came on as evidence to her that God understands her history.
“Somehow” – Joy Oladokun
In this song, Joy manages to create conversation about struggle and prayer, with a vibe of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Cars”, so relatable. It’s fabulous to see artists who can crossover categories and remain themselves even as they relate to a range of people. There is a gentleness and generosity of spirit in her work that is worth celebrating.
Worship Music
Ada Ehi – “I Testify”
This song made me smile as I kept telling stories of what God did for me last month.
Media
Youtube
This past month, I’ve been drawn by compassion to a lot of resources about individuals with disabilities.
Also, can cats have a vocation?
Books
The Cloud of Unknowing – Anonymous
Out of the Silent Planet – C. S. Lewis
Movies
At Sachem Farm (1998)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Prayer Requests
- Finding the right room to rent in July that will allow me to worship and focus on my goals
- Clarity on what is my portion to establish as a prophet in Seattle/locally
- Deep rest
Age of the Unexpected 